Project "Me Too"

Lately I’ve been thinking about the way that music changes lives – it’s certainly changed mine. There are moments that I’ve had that could only have happened because a certain song played; a moment of love, peace, hope, rebellion, wisdom, security. I’m sure the same is true for you. The fact is that music changes people because stories and feeling and a connection change people.

If you are wondering why I didn’t post on Tuesday it was because I was at my church’s Student Conference called STORM. Ben Stokes, this years guest speaker started off by telling us some facts about himself; how he’s afraid of deep water, or how he loves sushi, or how he suffered depression and struggled with drug addiction. As he told us these things he had people in the audience – who had also experienced these things say, “Me too.” I think that is exactly what music does. Music is a sound loud enough from one person to another saying "Me Too".

If I’m being honest, before, during and even after conference I felt a little bit empty and a lot drained. I didn’t think I had gotten anything out of it and I was still feeling like I wasn’t doing enough, as if I wasn’t changing the world, as if this blog wasn’t accomplishing anything and like maybe I’d even let go of responsibilities (like my job or stepping down in a volunteer position) that I should have worked harder in or stuck out more. I was talking to my fiancé and my mom about my lack of inspiration and my worries about what I was even doing to create change. My fiancé told me that I was doing more than I thought and gave me ideas about trying out video blogs or collaborating with him or my brother on a project. My mom told me to let myself out of the schedule I had forced myself into with this blog and make it a point to seek out inspiration rather than force it to come at a certain time.

While I was driving in my car Wednesday evening I was listening to the radio like I always do. The song that played talked about broken hearts that were still beating and being barely able to breathe through the pain and it reminded me of the thousands of victims, but it also reminded me of specific circumstances in the lives of some of my dear, dear friends. Friends that like me had suffered depression – mild or severe – friends that had gone through times of feeling like nothing because of the words or actions of another and friends who were fighting to get back up again after the horrible things that had been done to them by those designed by God to protect them.

I started to think that maybe I could find a song to record me singing and post it to encourage them or reach out to them and say in some way, “Me Too.” But then I began to wonder, what song might they pick for themselves? What song became significant to them in a time of deep mourning or joy in their life and what did listening to that song do to heal, lift or help them? So I’ve decided to do a project, starting with me, and we will see how long it carries on.

Whenever I get the chance I am going to tell you a story (either from me or someone else) about a song that touched a soul and what the ripple effect was and at the end of the post I will provide a video of me singing the song with all my heart. What I hope will happen with this project is that the people who choose to share their stories (either publicly or anonymously) will feel a weight lifted from their shoulders so that they can stand tall in whatever they have gone through and secondly that the people who hear their stories and listen to the song will be able to hear a resounding “ME TOO” so that they can have their own healing, hopeful moment.

Today I want to start out with the song that I will probably always deem my absolute favorite song ever. No song could top it for me because it has carried me through so much for so long.

For almost as long as I can remember I have struggled with feeling worthless, or as if I never do enough for people to really truly care about me. I got the lie stuck in my head that my value is based on what I do and how well I do it and how much I help people and from what you can probably tell I still struggle with that in some ways, especially now as I am hearing the call of God to focus on a ministry that very few people see as worthy or important anymore and that is serving my husband. God told me to cut down on my to do list to focus on Daniel and so I quit my job, quit my position as a youth leader at my church and stepped down to a less demanding position with Freedom House. Now, staying at home and cleaning and preparing for my wedding isn’t too difficult and it will get easier when I am back in school again because I’ll be busy, but I am afraid of summer, of slowing down too much, of becoming lazy or accomplishing too little for the world that I love, but God is calling me to be close to him, to see my worth doesn’t lie in how much I do for how many people. My worth doesn’t lie in how famous or amazing or hard working I am. My worth doesn’t even lie in how well I serve my husband, which is the very thing God himself has called me to focus on right now. My worth lies only in God and in the cross and suffering of his Son Jesus Christ.

That is the reason why the song I am writing about today means so much to me. Because all my life – no matter how busy the season – I have asked three questions on repeat:

1. Do I matter?

2. What should I be doing? And,

3. Who Am I?

This song is called Who Am I, by Casting Crowns and answers all of those questions for me. Yes I matter because Jesus cared about knowing my name. I should be seeking him and unity with him because it is from him that I have peace and direction and salvation from my sins and shortcomings. And finally I AM HIS.

If this song touched you please comment or reach out to me on my contact page. Also if you want to get involved in my song project and reach out to others by saying "Me Too" with your own song please email me at cookd96@unm.edu with your story and your song and maybe I'll feature you on my blog! No matter what you will definitely get featured on my facebook page with a shout out especially for you including a link to the song that touched your life when you needed it most.

Please share this post and help me get Project "Me Too" off the ground.

Much Love,

Deanna Leah.